Betray Her by Caroline England

Author:Caroline England [England, Caroline]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780349422787
Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group
Published: 2019-03-13T18:30:00+00:00

34

Barnsley – December 1998

Joanna Wragg didn’t realise she was pregnant for several weeks. Her periods still appeared every month and, although her face became less bony and she put on weight around her stomach and boobs, she assumed it was the inevitable result of student life – the beer and takeaways, the crisps and Mars Bars, the ready meals and all the other processed junk that Joyce denied her at home. But her breasts remained tender even after her period ended and she started to experience a faint fluttering sensation in her pelvis. Then, in a flash of understanding when she woke up one night to pee yet again, she knew without a doubt it wasn’t just wind and that she was pregnant with Tom Heath’s child. She’d slept with several other guys by then, but she’d gone on the pill and she used condoms too to protect herself from STDs, unless she was really too drunk.

At home for the Christmas holidays, the light-bulb moment occurred when she was sitting on the loo in the family bathroom. Joyce had recently renovated it from an olive-coloured suite to pink, and Jo slipped down on to the matching shag-pile mat, ready to weep. The tears burned her eyes but they were paralysed like she was, refusing to fall.

Pregnant. Oh God. Pregnant, really? No, surely not. And yet, and yet … The stench of toilet cleaner was almost making her heave. Then there was the peculiar taste of tea and beer, her sudden dislike of the old stalwart Marmite, her constant need for catnaps.

It was a terrifying experience; up until that moment she hadn’t realised what a comfortable and closeted life she’d lived. There had been no real trauma, no serious illness, no one had died. Despite being away at university, she’d been cosseted in a hall of residence; she hadn’t had to stand up for herself or make any real decisions. She’d eaten crap, drunk too much alcohol and slept around, but she hadn’t missed many lectures, done drugs or shoplifted to supplement her grant like the other girls on her floor. She wasn’t a bad person.

Her gut reaction was to run to her mother, to beg for her understanding and help, but she was too afraid of the consequences. It was untrodden territory. Suppose her parents threw her out, suppose they refused to pay for her university fees and accommodation? Even worse, what if they made her keep the child? The thought filled her with horror. It wasn’t a baby, a human. It was something growing inside against her will, something freaky and alien like the film. And even in the lucid moments when logic kicked in, she knew she wouldn’t confide in Joyce; she couldn’t bear to see the inevitable look of disappointment on her face.

The numbness and shock eased eventually, replaced with an awareness of her freezing surroundings. It had been snowing all night and the bathroom windows were glazed with ice. She tiptoed back to her bed, and with a thrashing heart she tried to walk through a mental list of options.

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